“Mandatory team-building outings don’t cure loneliness.” Stress expert Elke Van Hoof on the impact of social exclusion and a sense of belonging.
How much stress do moments when we feel left out cause? Stress expert Elke Van Hoof emphasizes the importance of a sense of belonging—the feeling of coming home somewhere, of being seen, of being valued. Research shows that this is a basic human need, just as fundamental as eating and drinking.
When you connect with others, your reward system kicks in. Your brain wraps you in a warm blanket. But when you’re excluded, your neural alarm system—your smoke detector—goes off. The same areas of the brain that register physical pain are involved here. Social isolation literally feels painful.
If you’re repeatedly excluded, your alarm system becomes hypersensitive, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: you think you’re being rejected, react more defensively, and increase the likelihood that it will actually happen.
